“There’s nothing large in our lives.”
[Douglas Coupland]
There is a beauty in the wide open sky that feels somehow symbolic of the space I need in my life. As all the colours mix into one, I am reminded of all the things in my life that have made me the person I am today. I’m reminded of the need to stop and simply drink in the beauty.
The vast expanse holds endless possibilities.
Which one to choose?
Which path to journey?
Oh how I need a bit of head space…
John O’Donohue writes beautiful poetry. His book of blessings is most definately the kind of book that needs read aloud.
I’m traveling a lot. Was in Edinburgh last weekend, in London during the week for a few days, in Galston this coming Monday, and back to London on Friday before flying to Kinshasa early Saturday morning. It’s fun, but tiring.
I work with amazing people. The other gap staff are incredible; there is such diversity and yet such a shared passion for justice. We are slowly getting to know each other better, and I am loving every minute of getting to know them.
London at night is beautiful. I took a walk along the river on Wednesday evening, snapped some pictures, listened to Duke Special. (Pictures coming soon)
I adore cities. I love the hustle and bustle, the endless possibilities.
Autumn is my favourite season. A little sunshine, yet crisp, cold days. I struggle to function well in the mornings, but I am slowly learning to appreciate my morning wanders to work. I’m excited about the changing season, not just physically but in my own heart.
That said, I miss the heat! You get used to hot climates very quickly.. I’m looking forward to a few weeks in the sun in DRC.
I’m dreaming about a trip to west coast USA in the summer. I’d love to see some cities I don’t remember very well (LA, San Francisco), some cities I have never been to (Portland, Seattle, maybe Vancover), and meet/hang out with some amazing bloggers/ blog friends/ inspiring artists/ musicians/ writers/ photographers who live on the west coast (Julie, Amos, Daley, Ryan & Holly).
Julie never ceases to inspire me… take this, for example…
The song ended up being about how love is slow.
Most of the circles I’ve ever run in have been ones where there is tremendous pressure to find love. And marry it. Asap.
…
We’re all the same. No one wants to be alone. We’re better together.
We are better together. But not when we push it.
I’m tired of being told to feel anxious about it. I’m tired of feeling pressure and I’m tired of people having to make decisions that will cause them pain.
Tonight I have been reminded of how much I miss this guy I fell in love with… and man, it hurts so much.
Father, why do I have this love within me if he does not feel the same for me?
Why did I have to fall for him in the first place?
Why do you let me do the same mistake again and again?
I know you proved your love for me at the cross, yet I struggle to see it.
The fight for my soul…
How can it be, that I believe we were created for each other while he can´t see it at all.
Pick me up Lord. Save me from myself. How can I let go?
I believe in you Father. I believe in supernatural power. I believe in miracles.
How can I possibly stop hoping.
I lay it down at the cross…
I feel so small and helpless. I AM small and helpless.
Defend me, oh Lord, for my shield fell down and my sword lies broken beneath my feet.
Help me to have faith. Faith in love.
You have the power to heal my broken heart. You have the power to set me free…”
These words… they express the deepest longings in my heart. God, save me from myself.
So thought it was about time I posted properly. Was at work today for a few hours, not too busy but not too quiet either, which was nice. School has been the thing dominating my life at the minute, tis rather strange trying to get settled back into it when I feel like its time for someplace new.
Don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone… but it’s how I feel at the minute. It feels like i’ve been here for an eternity (well, I kinda have, i’ve been here all my life… it feels like i’ve been here longer than I actually have). I just want to get out there now. I want to travel, I want to see the world, I want to meet a guy, I want to experience new sights and sounds and smells and tastes… I want to do all the things I’ve dreamed of for so long.
Being back in school is a very strange feeling… I’m heavily involved in the Christian Union- and I love it- but I thought i’d feel more at home in it, more settled, than I do. Don’t get me wrong, I DO love being in CU, I love getting to encourage and equip and inspire my friends, but i still feel like it’s time for a change now, time for me to do something new.
And it’s a very strange place to be… caught between where I am, and where I want to be…
At last! It was my last day of school today… until septemer… except for exams. doesnt seem that significant when you write it like that. I must admit today i’ve been feeling very… whats the word? Oh i dont know! I’ve been in a very strange mood anyway. Half times totally looped, hyper, half times falling asleep. Seems to be a recurring thing now, has happened a few times. Wonder what causes it?
‘ Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
“God has lost track of me.
He doesn’t care what happens to me”?
Dont you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?
God doesn’t come or go. God lasts.
He’s creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch His breath.
And He knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strenght.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don’t get tired,
they walk and don’t lag behind.’[Isaiah 40:27-31 The Message]
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