by emma | Nov 16, 2005 | Musings
Tonight I have been reminded of how much I miss this guy I fell in love with… and man, it hurts so much.
“…Take the pain away. It hurts so bad.
I´m desperate without vision and I´m lost without hope. I´m lost without you.
I feel torn apart…
Father, why do I have this love within me if he does not feel the same for me?
Why did I have to fall for him in the first place?
Why do you let me do the same mistake again and again?
I know you proved your love for me at the cross, yet I struggle to see it.
The fight for my soul…
How can it be, that I believe we were created for each other while he can´t see it at all.
Pick me up Lord. Save me from myself. How can I let go?
I believe in you Father. I believe in supernatural power. I believe in miracles.
How can I possibly stop hoping.
I lay it down at the cross…
I feel so small and helpless. I AM small and helpless.
Defend me, oh Lord, for my shield fell down and my sword lies broken beneath my feet.
Help me to have faith. Faith in love.
You have the power to heal my broken heart. You have the power to set me free…”
These words… they express the deepest longings in my heart. God, save me from myself.
by emma | Nov 12, 2005 | Books, Faith
“Religion is a big, beautiful, ugly thing. I read recently where Augustine said, “The church is a whore, and it is my mother.” And for reasons I don’t understand, Jesus loves the church. And I suppose He loves the church with the same strength of character He displays in His love for me. Sometimes it is difficult to know which is the greater miracle.”
[Don Millar]
You know, I finished this book about 3 weeks ago, and I have started a new book, but somehow I keep finding myself back at Millars’ words. I was thinking about the words above, when Millar says that it is difficult to imagine which is the greater miracle – God loving me, or God loving the church. And it’s so true. I’m sure we all grip about the church at some point, God knows I do – it’s not relevant, i’m not getting anything from it, the worship just isn’t my style… need I go on? The church is not perfect. As long as the church is filled with human beings, it will never be perfect. I think I forget that. I am not perfect, and I’m pretty sure no one in my local church is perfect. So then why do we expect our churches to be perfect?
Something else this got me thinking about was how Jesus loves me. Jesus really loves me. Did you catch that? Jesus really LOVES me. A friend painted me a picture of this a few nights ago,. heres how she put it… It’s like, God’s sitting in this big rocking chair, just rocking back and forth, as you do… and He’s just thinking about me. Thinking to Himself, ‘Wow. She’s so beautiful.’ ‘Wow, she’s just amazing.’ Can you picture that? God takes time to just sit and think about you. That thought blew my mind. How awesome. How loved.
by emma | Nov 6, 2005 | Faith
“It must have been wonderful to spend time with Christ, with Somebody who liked you, loved you, believed in you, and sought a closeness foreign to skin-bound man. A person would feel significant in is presence. After all, those who knew Christ personally went on to accomplish amazing feats, proving unwavering devotion. It must have been thrilling to look into the eyes of God and have him look back and communicate that human beings, down to the individual, are of immense worth and beauty and worthy of intimacy with each other and the Godhead.”
[Don Millar]
I was just thinking about this again today, and my first reaction was, ‘Wouldn’t it have be great to have Jesus with you all the time? I wish I could see Him too.’
But heres the thing… He is, and I do.
Its just not in the same way. As a Christian, I am a new creation… God lives in me. He’s promised that He’s never going to leave me… ever! That He’s always with me, always has been with me, and always will be with me. Knowing that should be the joy of my heart.
Knowing that Jesus, the Son of God, who loved me so much that He willingly died for me…. did you catch that? He DIED for me!… Knowing that He is looking at me, that He thinks I’m important… Wow. What a confidence booster. It’s not about self-worth or self-esteem… it’s Christ-esteem… He’s everything.
And He tells me I’m important, valued and loved.
by emma | Nov 1, 2005 | Poverty
I just remembered something my economics teacher told me last week that I found very interesting, so I thought I would share…
In 2003, every cow in the EU received $1.26 a day in subsidies.
More than 75% of the worlds population live on less than $1 a day.
What is this madness??
by emma | Oct 30, 2005 | Words
“I was sure by now
That you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say ‘Amen’
And it’s still raining.
……
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strenght is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You?”
It’s been a while since I last posted… I’ve been struggling, thats the truth. I bought this CD yesterday, and ever time I hear this song it blows me away. How many times I’ve prayed, asking God to take away the pain, to heal this broken heart, to restore this tattered soul… but it’s still raining. How long, O Lord?
by emma | Oct 20, 2005 | Books, Words
“The truth is there are a million steps, and we don’t even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing.
I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love.”
First words of wisdom from Don Millar… man they cut deep. Maybe that’s why things are so tough right now… because I was searching for an easy answer, but God wanted me to start relying on Him…
by emma | Oct 19, 2005 | Books
WHAT IF…
the deepest longings of your heart
were there for a reason?
small-minded, boxed-in formulas of modern
religion weren’t the Truth?
the gospel of Jesus was not “safe” after all, but
full of intrigue, passion – and romance?
HOW WOULD YOUR LIFE BE CHANGED?
Bought this book today (Don Millar, Searching for God Knows What)… everytime i’ve been in the shop lately I am drawn instinctivley to this book, and I dont quite know why. I guess I kinda feel a bit like thats me at the minute, like I’m searching, but I dont really know what for. So I bought it. Wonder where it will take me…
by emma | Oct 17, 2005 | Faith
“So–who is like me? Who holds a candle to me?” says The Holy.
Look at the night skies: Who do you think made all this? Who marches this army of stars out each night, counts them off, calls each by name –so magnificent! so powerful!– and never overlooks a single one?
Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying, “GOD has lost track of me. He doesn’t care what happens to me”?
Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening? GOD doesn’t come and go. God lasts. He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts.
[Isaiah 40:25-29, TM]
by emma | Oct 14, 2005 | Faith
I’ve been learning a lot about prayer… Lately my life has been a bit ‘turbulent’, I have been pretty up and down, and a lot has been happening both in me personally and in the people around me. There has been a lot of pain surrounding me – family members and friends both going through some tough times.
How do I pray for these guys? Intercession… feeling their pain… lets be honest, it hurts. We dont like to hurt – I dont like to hurt. But to pray for these guys, the guys I love, that I’m close to, that I spend my time with… praying effectively for them means hurting for them. Feeling their pain. It means I have to be vulnerable and open and allow God to work through me to move in their lives… I have to be willing to feel their pain.
And that’s tough.
by emma | Oct 13, 2005 | Everything Else
My buddy phil posted tonight on a subject that ive been thinking a lot about lately, and today especially, so rather than me post it all again, click here and go have a read… I’ll post soon when my thoughts become a bit more coherent…
“Where’s Gods army? we are all on our own missions, but we must fight together.”
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