“I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I’ve ever met feels it – something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.
After all, if we were better women – whatever that means – life wouldn’t be so hard. Right? We wouldn’t have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningfull friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought – that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain – uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be femine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.
Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us – whether from a driven culture or a driven church – is try harder.”
[John + Stasi Eldredge, Captivating]
Really long quote today guys I know, but bear with me. I started reading this new book this morning – I have been wanting to read it for a long time, but this morning a friend passed it on to me to read… and its strange. I cant put it down, and yet I have to at times, I come so close to tears (which is probably not a good idea sitting in school!). It feels like it was wrote just for me. Ever had that?
I mean, girls (women)… what do you think of this? I guess this is prob one of the areas I struggle with most often, trusting that I am made beautiful in Christ and He loves me and knows whats best for me – and has the best for me. So many times I’ve wondered what was wrong with ME for wanting more, was I wrong for wanting more, does God not have more for me?