Tonight I have been reminded of how much I miss this guy I fell in love with… and man, it hurts so much.

“…Take the pain away. It hurts so bad.
I´m desperate without vision and I´m lost without hope. I´m lost without you.
I feel torn apart…

Father, why do I have this love within me if he does not feel the same for me?
Why did I have to fall for him in the first place?
Why do you let me do the same mistake again and again?
I know you proved your love for me at the cross, yet I struggle to see it.
The fight for my soul…

How can it be, that I believe we were created for each other while he can´t see it at all.
Pick me up Lord. Save me from myself. How can I let go?
I believe in you Father. I believe in supernatural power. I believe in miracles.
How can I possibly stop hoping.
I lay it down at the cross…

I feel so small and helpless. I AM small and helpless.
Defend me, oh Lord, for my shield fell down and my sword lies broken beneath my feet.
Help me to have faith. Faith in love.
You have the power to heal my broken heart. You have the power to set me free…”

These words… they express the deepest longings in my heart. God, save me from myself.