“The evangelical culture ties together faithfulness with extroversion. The emphasis is on community, on participating in more and more programs and events, on meeting more and more people. It’s a constant tension for many introverts that they’re not living that out. And in a religious world, there’s more at stake when you feel that tension. It doesn’t feel like ‘I’m not doing as well as I’d like.’ It feels like ‘God isn’t pleased with me.'”
[Adam McHugh, as quoted in Quiet by Susan Cain]
I can’t stop thinking about this since I read it last week.
Does an “emphasis on community” have to mean an emphasis on extroversion?
How do we make more space for introverted forms of worship & connection in our church cultures?
I think tension is a good word for this, but I would flesh it out a bit more and use the word in a good sense. Being introverted doesn’t get a person off the requirement to be open-hearted. Imagine the corollary for example- there are certain disciplines, prayer, meditation, where solitude is more important; should we conclude that it’s OK for extroverted people to eschew these because they don’t feel comfortable in such a situation? Of course not. You can’t go through life avoiding situations that make you uncomfortable. So perhaps it would be better to assert that evangelical culture avoids discussing said disciplines, although that’s not true in my experiance.
I don’t want to appear insensitive. For me I can’t decide whether I’m introverted or extroverted, it seems to me everyone is perched somewhere along the spectrum, rather than it being so polarised. I slide liberally from red to violet, or perhaps more accurately, from yellow to green. But to be sure I’ve been with one person in particular who literally feels nervous if there are more than ten people in the room; particularly strangers- Such may not be introversion though and may in fact be something mildly pathological.
Some people would happily sit in silence for long periods and not feel awkward. Others find this hard. Real community would be about understanding these little quirks in each other and showing grace towards them.. We’ve all come across the well-meaning, enthusiastic, boisterous youth pastor who is stumped what to do with a bookish 13 year-old girl who likes to write poems and paint.
Christianity is filled with tensions of this kind. In music, for example, where I happen to have more experience, you have to find a balance between accomplished stagecraft and blatant showmanship; or between musical competency and servant heartedness..
Tensions can be healthy. They can highlight our weaknesses.
As for the guilt. In any situation that’s a waste of time. Guilt is our own sinfulness telling us we can never be good enough. Or that we can, but we are not. Or it can be the Devil telling us those things.
Don’t waste your time feeling guilty.
I realise this post was short and without much background… I fully agree with the points in your first paragraph, Graeme, about pushing outside our comfort zones and boundaries (whether introvert or extrovert) to engage with a God who is bigger than both. Your picking up on the ‘evangelical culture’ was key – it’s not something I said in the post but should have. My current experience is in evangelical culture, and there are obviously traditions with a greater focus on more introverted forms of worship, such as the Anglican use of liturgy.
I’m also completely agreed that most people sit somewhere along a spectrum, rather than at polar opposites. I tend more towards introversion, which this book has been helping me understand a bit more. For example, while I participate fully in church services and often go out for lunch with folks afterwards (a regular thing we do as a community), I can see now a little more clearly why I always feel exhausted after these events… Yet, I still completely see them as a good and useful thing that I should be doing. Tension can be healthy, completely.
Perhaps my question is more about how we separate the ideas of community and extroversion? To focus on community, do we have to focus on extroversion? What would it look like to develop community in a way that values introverts and extroverts equally?
I’m going to let that hang as a rhetorical question. I should say though that I didn’t want to sound like I was giving YOU advice specifically, I was just responding to the post in a discussory manner 🙂
Understood 🙂 Dialogue is always good.
As an introvert, that is a very interesting question. Hmmm, what are my thoughts. Well, agree with above posts in that community is not optional. God is community. He gave us other people to be in community. But society generally, in my opinion, places emphasis on extrovertism (is that a word?!). The workplace for example, in meetings, being introverted is generally the less accepted mode of interaction. The world seems to want us to be more gregarious. However, within a church that has acceptance, grace and love at its core, it makes it far less scary. Yeah, it may take me 10 weeks (or 6 months) to join a new housegroup or turn up to a connect group. I definitely wouldn’t come on my own to a large event full of strangers – mildly pathological? 😉 But then, that’s where a loving community can connect with people one-on-one, be a safe place for introverts to hang out too. Have people who will meet up with the introverted sorts before a meeting, walk through the door with them, sit beside them. Worship per se I think doesn’t cause tension – as mentioned, meditation, singing etc all solo activities in church generally.
But on the ‘not good enough side’ – I think we all have to know the pure acceptance of the Father and learn from there. Guilt is not of God as a very good friend told me. I don’t have to perform for God’s grace. It’s abundant and free – introverted or not 🙂
I enjoy your thoughts on how to walk alongside introverts Allison – connecting one-on-one, meeting up before events, etc. It seems like this is the stuff we should be doing because we are family & love each other – there isn’t a “program” or an “event” for it, its just how we operate because we care about each other? Challenging thoughts.