The monitor glare lights the space around me. An American worship band are providing the soundtrack via their mySpace. A physically distant yet emotionally close friend, provides me with a sounding board, via iChat.
I’m typing as I go, trying to make some sense of the emotions and the thoughts running through my head today. I weep as I realise what I have just typed. I weep for something I have never known.
How can you miss something you have never had?
I fear making the same mistakes. I fear becoming the same person.
And I struggle to hold those ideas in tension, to reconcile them. I struggle to let Jesus work. I struggle to let him take the pain. I struggle to let him do new things in our relationship. And at my most honest, I struggle to believe he will.
Some days it’s harder to cling to hope than others. Thank goodness we don’t walk this alone.